Find Your Edge – That’s Where Transformation Happens!

The power of sex is that it can provide even more than physical satisfaction and emotional and spiritual fulfillment (all extremely high value).

Our sexuality also has vast potential to be a mechanism for expansion and transformation.

This tip applies to our sexual, physical, emotional and spiritual edges. It applies to situations when you are alone or with a partner.

It’s about how we can use our edges to deliver ourselves from our limitations.

We can learn something about sexual edges and energy from ancient yogis.

A yoga teacher extensively trained in the East and West told our class that the ancient yogis say we have 72,000 energy channels in our bodies. There are pockets, or cul-de-sacs, where the energy can get blocked from lack of movement or from holding or resistance.

Yoga allows us to free up some of these channels so the energy can flow freely, which increases our vitality. This also enhances our ability to relax, to be receptive and to feel peaceful.

The reason yoga enables us to do this is that it constantly invites us to move into our edge, whether stretching a muscle, opening a joint, or holding a strength or balancing pose.

We can also harness sexual energy to move into our edge.

Moving sexual energy can help unblock some of these channels where energy is restricted.

These restrictions may be due to emotional resistance, old patterns, past trauma, embarrassment, cultural or personal shame and guilt, and all the other emotions that can hold us back from experiencing the fullness of sensuality and sexual-spiritual ecstasy.

What does a sexual “edge” feel like?

You may be at an edge when you feel like you can’t handle any more pleasure or stimulation (or feel you don’t deserve it). The typical habit at this moment is to back off or push forward to climax for relief. (This is a factor in premature ejaculation for some men.)

Or perhaps you want to ask for what you want and need sexually. But you feel more emotionally or physically vulnerable than you ever have with this person. So you don’t ask.

You may reach a point where the last time you went this far, you got hurt, and it feels too risky. Yet in truth, you’re not the same person you were then – you’ve evolved (and your partner probably has too). So reconsider…

We often back off when we’re approaching our sexual or emotional intimacy edge, but if you proceed, there are rewards just ahead. Next time you make love, with yourself or another, try pushing your personal envelope while at the same time respecting your boundaries.

Your edge lies between what you cannot do and what you can do, but hold back from. That’s where transformation happens.

This quote sums it up nicely:

“Edges are important brickwall-unzips-to-clouds_70728757_72because they define a limitation in order to deliver us from it. When we come to an edge we come to a frontier that tells us that we are now about to become more than we have been before. As long as one operates in the middle of things, one can never really know the nature of the medium in which one moves.”

~ William Irwin Thompson, “The Time Falling Bodies Take to Light”

With sex (as with yoga), at your edge you can actually relax more, because you stop resisting.

We can enhance our sex lives by learning something from yoga about approaching edges.

Just stay present and allow. Breathe. Be aware of all the sensations and emotions, even if they are uncomfortable at first. Allow it all. Breathe in to it. Soften into it. Melt into it. You might want to share what you’re experiencing, if you’re with a lover.

Your sexual edge may show up as allowing increasing intensity of sensation, trying something new, or having the courage to ask for what you want.

Your emotional edge may take the form of simply allowing yourself to have emotions – even the ones you don’t think are appropriate at the time (like sadness, ambivalence or panic, as well as love, tenderness or elation). It may take the form of expressing what you are feeling in words, sounds or gestures. Of course, you’ll want to express any “negative” feelings without directing them at your lover and sending him or her packing.

As with yoga, after expanding sexually and emotionally, the energy can flow more freely. This increases our overall vitality, and yet we feel relaxed, receptive and peaceful.

If you embrace your edge, fully open yourself to it and experience it…

…it changes…

…it transforms.

You then discover what is on the other side of the resistance – often it’s a whole new wonderful world!

In support of your erotic, ecstatic love life…

With love,


Ellen Eatough, MA, “The Soulful Sex Coach”

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One Response to “Find Your Edge – That’s Where Transformation Happens!”

  1. George Dimion says:

    I was out for dinner with a lady friend last night. I told her I approach passion differently. In a healthy relationship passion runs just below the surface. I love to turn it on and off. So many women have endured the “get to it” with guys. I can let the passion run, kisses hugs, physical contact, maybe some sexual tease and then…What’s for lunch, let’s get outside, lets go….. it throws them over the edge, it did for the lady last night. Her mind went one way, I went the other. Then she lit up.

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