“The gap between your goal and where you are now can hinder you,” my instructor once said during yoga class. She was encouraging us to relax into a pose rather than force it.
She went on to say that there is no feedback in that gap; the only feedback is in the present. This, of course, applies to all of life, including lovemaking and intimacy, trying to find a partner, or wanting one’s partner (or ourselves) to change.
Oh No! The Goal of Having an Orgasm Can Actually Keep It From Happening!
I have female clients who find orgasm illusive, in part, because they have a goal of orgasm and are trying too hard to make it happen. Once you (and your partner) know your body and the internal “path” to orgasm, what’s ultimately required is letting go – surrender to the moment.
And even if orgasm is not a challenge for your or your partner, when we’re focused on that, or any other lovemaking “goal,” we cannot be fully in the present, and thus…
…we lose the most valuable feedback
…we lose the full potential pleasure and intensity of the experience, and
…we lose the potential for ecstasy, even transcendence.
Also, we can only be truly intimate (with ourselves or another) in the present moment. Of course, I only know this because I’m a frequent offender!
But I find that when I really relax into “this” moment and allow myself to fully experience every nuance of each kiss, each caress, each stroke, it is so satisfying and fulfilling that I really don’t care about reaching an end goal. There is an unbelievable sweetness and intensity in “this,” whether soft and slow, strong and fast, lingering at the edge, or falling over it.
In the richness of the present moment we can be totally in tune with ourselves and each other – and respond spontaneously to subtle feedback.
This is also true when making love alone and, in fact, is true of all life experience.
With regard to any interactions with people or within yourself, just notice how often you are (or aren’t) really present. Then notice how the more present you are, the more fulfilled you feel. Seriously, there’s a direct correlation.
You will notice that being focused on a goal, like getting what you want, prevents you from perceiving all the internal and external experience and feedback that make life rich and rewarding (feedback, ironically, that makes it more likely that the goal will be realized anyway).
There’s a fine line between having a goal or a context within which to operate (like finding the perfect mate, resolving an interpersonal dispute, mutual sexual satisfaction, or even getting somewhere on time) and focusing on that goal with the emphasis that you’re not “there” yet.
When we are here for the depth of each moment, not the outcome, the magic and joy of love and life arise spontaneously.
However, if a man is not lasting as long as he and his partner want before he ejaculates…
…then both partners tend to be focused on accomplishing something before he releases. That definitely gets in the way of flowing in the “Bliss of This” state of ecstatic lovemaking.
To help you resolve this dilemma, I’m super stoked to share with you a terrific FREE male stamina secrets audio gift (download), the “Ejaculatory Freedom Audio Collection” by my friends and sexuality experts, Susan Bratton and Jim Benson.
If you’re a man…
That’s what can happen when you start having male-multiple orgasms.
Every man of any age is capable of full-body, “Energy Orgasms.” You just need someone to explain to you HOW to do it.
Then, when she sees you having waves and waves of sexual pleasure as you’re making love to her, it will increase HER orgasmic pleasure tenfold.
The audios in the Ejaculatory Freedom Collection include, “Trouble Getting Hard,” “Last as Long as You Want,” “Simultaneous Orgasms,” and “Male-Multiple Orgasms.” All are terrific. And my fave…
“MALE-MULTIPLE ORGASMS” reveals:
- Ancient tantric secrets to separating orgasm from ejaculation, so you can orgasm without ejaculating!
- The “main ingredient” to full body orgasms. One simple tweak can help expand the pleasure you feel to your whole body!
- One hidden muscle in your body you must exercise if you want to last longer and enjoy more powerful orgasms.
- How to CHOOSE the moment you come — so you can time your orgasm to hers!
You’ll be amazed at the things you don’t know about your body and hers.
“Can a man really have many multiple orgasms before ejaculating?” you may ask. Well, I can tell you from many years of personal experience, the answer is a resounding “YES!!!”
And I know many men who have taught themselves how to do this. But it helps to have a guide in the process.