Most of us relish the idea of passionate, spontaneous lovemaking.
The idea of total wild-haired abandon sounds thrilling, doesn’t it?
— and simultaneously terrifying.
Because most of us fear losing control.
Do I need to remind you that one reason orgasm is so sought after is BECAUSE we lose control? Orgasm takes us beyond our egos, if only for a moment,into realms of pure pleasure. The French refer to orgasm as “La Petite Mort,” which translates to “The Little Death.”
We secretly yearn for a chance to loosen our tightly held grip on the constructed image we present to the world. Sex offers us this opportunity, but few of us have the courage to dive in and fully take advantage of it.
This transpersonal orgasmic experience can be expanded, and who better to do it with than the one you love? You may not be comfortable with how you think you look or sound, only to find that your partner finds you most attractive when you’re really cutting loose.
If you feel inhibited in allowing yourself abandoned self-expression, discuss this with your partner. Together you need to create a cocoon of permission and safety.
To fully experience “wild-haired” abandon, we have to trust and be vulnerable.
Here’s one measure of your willingness to do this:
When you’re sexually “flying solo,” are you more uninhibited than with a partner? If so, notice what you’re holding back when you’re together, and see if you can allow yourself to relax into the experience without reservation.
Trust and vulnerability are intrinsically linked. The degree to which you allow yourself to be vulnerable and out of control conveys the degree to which you trust your partner. And your partner intuitively knows this. When you let yourself lose control during lovemaking, you are saying to your partner, “I trust you enough to know you’re not going to judge me or take advantage of me when you see me like this.”
And it works both ways. Can you allow your partner to be vulnerable and let go into total sexual abandon? Can you embrace his or her natural sexual expression including…
…energetic twitches or kriyas?
…how about emotional release in the form of screams, tears, growls or whatever comes out?
Can you remain fully present, accepting, even enthusiastic, regardless of how he or she looks and acts in the midst of unabashed passion?
Would you like to be able to let go into “wild-haired” abandon?
If this is difficult for you and/or your partner, try experimenting with baby steps toward self-abandonment… toward trust and vulnerability. This kind of discussion and shared experimentation can, in itself, lead to deeper intimacy.
But maybe you’re not quite ready for this kind of discussion and experimentation – or you’ve tried and it didn’t go so well.
If you’d like to enjoy more love, deeper intimacy, and spontaneous sexual pleasure, but trust and vulnerability continue to be difficult for you, consider some Rapid Sexual Healing with me. I offer a free “Ecstatic Love Life Strategy Session” to explore this possibility.
So, as the video says, “Who do you trust, and how can you grow it?”
Do you consciously or unconsciously withhold trust, even just a little, and feel the resulting tension in heart and body? Learn more HERE about working with me privately via Zoom, so you can trust more and enjoy wild-haired abandon.