As we age or get busy with the functional and intellectual aspects of life, we may lose touch with our sensuality and desire. To enhance your sex life, it’s important to reconnect with your body and your desire.
Based on my surveys over the years and direct conversations with both men and women, a common challenge (for women especially) is getting out of our head and into our body for pleasure and lovemaking. There are many reasons for this, which vary among women. Here are a couple ways (among many) to begin turning this around.
Even if your body doesn’t match your ideas of the perfect one (or even what yours used to look like), it’s essential that you take the time to build your confidence and embrace the body you have.
If you aren’t sure where to start with this process, start with one (or all!) of these ideas:
Walk naked around the house, wear clothes that feel sensual on your skin, massage your body with oil or lotion, sleep in soft sexy sheets. Try erotic dancing for your partner, perhaps using titillating silky see-through scarves, or have your partner take sexy “boudoir” pictures of you in the nude.
If you feel tension in your body or head when you explore in these ways, take a few slow, deep breaths and exhale the judgments or fears as you stretch your boundaries… even just one baby step at a time. You will be surprised how quickly your body confidence builds!
Another important way to connect with your body is through touch. How can you expect your lover to please you if you don’t know how to please yourself? Self-pleasure through masturbation is a great way to learn more about your body, to slow down and allow yourself to focus on the sensations that are aroused, and overall find out what works for you and what does not. If you’re a woman, you might try a shower massager or vibrator.
If you’re single, this is one great way to prepare yourself to more fully enjoy sex when you’re with your next lover.
This self knowledge is invaluable in lovemaking, especially if you communicate what you have learned to your partner. And the best way to communicate it is to take turns playing “show and tell.” Many people, especially men (who tend to be more visually oriented than women in the erotic department), really enjoy watching their partner demonstrate what turns them on.
Did you know that married people masturbate more than those who are single?
So don’t let having a partner be an excuse not to pleasure yourself, alone or in your lover’s presence.
If you demonstrate with sex toys, and make it clear to your partner that they’re not meant to replace him or her, you may find your lover wants to explore including your devices in lovemaking. A bath for two with a shower massager can be a hot recipe; just have plenty of towels ready to mop up the floor!