Happy New Year!

How about a resolution that makes you feel great, is FUN while you do it, and is proven to enhance your health and well being (mental, emotional and physical)?

Resolve to have sex more often!

More on the many benefits (read: excuses to have more sex) in a moment, but let’s start with bringing in the New Year right. (Right for your sex life, right for your relationship.) If you’re flying solo, you can adapt the following to spend some quality loving time with yourself.

You can start tonight, if you’re staying in, New Year’s Day, or whenever the spirit moves you.

To set the scene: Get some massage oil (coconut oil or avocado are wonderful). Buy some yummy take-out or prepare a light meal. Turn up the heat (so you can be comfortably naked). Light a fire or some candles. Lay out a bed with an old sheet or large towels on top (to protect from massage oil stains). Add cozy blankets and pillows. Keep a few toys and a damp washcloth and small towel nearby (some messes may ensue), and put on some sexy music.

Instead of Staring at a Screen, Try Gazing into Each Other’s Eyes.

This is all geared toward sensuality and fun, so pay attention to how everything you do feels, notice your partner’s non-verbal responses, and let pleasure, playfulness and laughter (a great aphrodisiac) rule. Here are some suggestions to inspire your creativity.

Cuddle up and spend some quality time just being together, connecting and reminiscing (about the good or amusing times only – let go of that old crap that drains your energy and doesn’t really support your relationship going forward). You might pull out some old photos, especially the funny ones.

Have fun with food. Shower or bathe beforehand (together is a great option). Try feeding each other slowly (ideally with your fingers for maximum sensuality). If sauces are involved, lick them off each other’s bodies.

Man giving woman a foot massageExperiment with whipped cream out of a dispensing can or warm chocolate as body paint (careful that it’s not too hot); then lick it off. This might lead to a growing chocolate and whipped cream-covered lollypop. 😉 And when it comes time for some bubbly, try pouring a little into each other’s navel, and sip it out.

Caress each other; give each other a foot massage or full-body massage. Ever so gradually move toward the erogenous zones. And then let nature have its way with you.

Even if you can’t have intercourse, let this be a sensual and delightful time together.

Why Sex is So Good for You that it Warrants a Resolution

You’ve heard the advice, “Use it or lose it.” Western medicine agrees with this. And the good news is that more sex leads to more and better sex. Why?

Frequent healthy sex is viewed in Chinese medicine as a practice that can prevent sexual and reproductive disorders as well as enhance your overall health. “Healthy sex” is invigorating, not exhausting.

Urologists often recommend that their patients who have erection problems or certain bladder or prostate problems increase the frequency of their sexual activity.

Sexual arousal increases the flow of oxygen into the penile tissue, which contributes to firmer erections with corresponding blood flow. Increased blood flow encourages the development of new capillaries which, in turn, further contributes to enhanced blood flow and thus oxygen flow, and so on.

Women Who Engage in Regular Healthy Sex, Tend to Have Stronger Libidos and Stronger Orgasms than Those Who Don’t.

Frequent sex has hormonal benefits for both men and women. For men, it can increase testosterone levels, which enhances sex drive, making it easier to keep “using it” to reap the above benefits.

For women, regular sexual activity is known to help reduce symptoms of PMS and stabilize irregular menstrual cycles. Sexual activity helps reduce atrophy of vaginal tissues and dryness and retain vaginal muscular tone as women age. It also increases estrogen levels, which not only minimizes other menopausal symptoms, but correlates with greater cardiovascular fitness, emotional well being, and reduced risk of osteoporosis.

Western science also tells us that sex reduces tension and stimulates the release of endorphins, the brain chemicals that diminish pain and enhance feelings of well being. Of course, if sex is vigorous, you reap the additional health benefits of aerobic exercise.

But it doesn’t always need to be vigorous or even progress to orgasm to be beneficial. Just five or ten minutes of daily cuddling or caressing, with soft or erect penile insertion can wonderfully compliment less frequent but more active sessions.

In addition, healthy sex may help you keep a resolution to lose weight if you need to. It can contribute to restful sleep, and good sleep has been associated with appropriate weight loss. This has to do with cortisol levels, as well as endocrine and metabolic functions. Studies, including one appearing in the Aug. 16, 2000, issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association, indicate that “Improved sleep quality goes together with weight management.”

Flying Solo?

If you don’t currently have a sex partner, or your partner is unable to participate with you in regular sexual activity (due to travel, ill health, etc.), all of this applies to you too. Just be sure, when making love with yourself, to be sensuous. Set the scene, e.g., with a warm bath, candlelight, fragrances, and/or music, and take the time you would like to take with a lover. Caress your body, and be sure to stimulate all areas of your genitals, not just the spots that result in orgasm. (More on the health reasons for this in a future post.)

Since you won’t be exchanging energy with someone else, focus on the crown of your head when you orgasm, to help draw the energy (or “chi”) up to circulate throughout your body, instead of releasing it all out your genitals. Practice of sexual self-loving not only enhances your overall health and sense of well being; it helps you keep sexually fit for when you do have a lover.

= = =

As you can see from the following quote, this is clearly not headline news, but we do need to be reminded sometimes — or have a justification our passion.

“Ignorance of the necessity for sexual intercourse to the health and virtue of both man and woman is the most fundamental error in medical and moral philosophy.”
– George Drysdale, “The Elements of Social Science,” (1854)

So, if you need an excuse to make your sex life a priority, just say, “It’s for my health!”

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  1. David says:

    Thank you for the great tips and reminders Ellen! : )

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