Expand Your Comfort Zone for More Pleasure by Trading Places

The more aspects of ourselves we are able to bring to our sexual encounters, the more enjoyment we can experience. But, as in most of life, we tend to fall into behavioral ruts, hanging out in our comfort zone, which can be limiting. It’s time to expand your experiential repertoire!

One way to do this is to trade places with your partner, if you have one. (Single? There are some ideas for you at the bottom of this post too!)

Start by discussing the idea. You might first each share your perspective on your own style and that of your partner. And then select a lovemaking session when you will explore trying on each other’s lovemaking style.

For example, if one person tends to play the more yang role by orchestrating or directing the sexual experience or is the primary giver or pleaser, that person can concentrate on being more yin or receptive, opening to receiving and letting the other person direct this session. If one person is more expressive, the other can try being more vocal and writhing in response to pleasure. Then the usually more expressive or receptive lover can try leading the dance and taking it all in quietly.

These are merely examples. There are many aspects of your interaction that might warrant a temporary switch. You can switch who initiates or seduces, the ways in which you usually touch each other (firm, soft, light scratching, licking), sexual positions, and so on. The objective is to get out of your comfort zone to experience lovemaking from a new and exciting perspective.

It’s possible this could lead to chuckles or full-on belly laughs, as you see your partner “impersonating” your lovemaking behavior. If this happens, remember that laughter is a great aphrodisiac.

Afterwards, you can share your experiences with each other, like what aspects of yourself your lover expressed and how that felt. Also discuss how it felt to experience your partner in a different way.

Single? If you’re alone, the field is wide open. When making love with yourself, try out new ways of expressing yourself. For example, you can slather yourself with oil or lotion and moan and writhe all over the place, or be as still as possible and take in the subtleties of your internal experience. You might dance by candlelight with a scarf, try different ways of touching yourself, explore new fantasies, etc., whatever you can think of to stretch your comfort zone!


“It costs so much to be a full human being that there are few who have the love and courage to pay the price. One has to abandon altogether the search for security and reach out to the risk of living with both arms. One has to embrace life like a lover.”

– Morris West, novelist

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