Sex Drives His and Hers
Question: Hi Michele,
I'd like to ask your advice about sex. My husband and I have very different sex drives. For him, everyday would be great, and twice a day would be greater. For 
me, once a week, but to accommodate him, I'd have sex twice a week. I don't think I'm abnormal, but he thinks, "What's wrong with you?" I say it's normal for a couple to have sex once or twice a week. He says he doesn't care about 'normal', it's not enough for him. He has a point, but everyday and even every other day is too much for me. We've been married almost 20 years and have both built up a lot of resentment towards each other. He, because of the sex, and me, for a whole lot of other marital problems. I never did have a high sex drive, even before we were married. Neither of us know how to solve this problem, but it's a big one.
K
Answer: Dear K,
I am very glad that you are asking for feedback about your sexual relationship with your husband because the patterns in your marriage are so common that others reading your letter and my response might benefit greatly.
First of all, know that testosterone, one of the hormones responsible for sex drive,is 20-40% more prevalent in men than women. Though it is not always the case, it is very common for men to desire sex more often than their wives. This gender difference often creates problems in marriages, particularly when people blame each other for being different. Men think their wives are passionless and women think their husbands are sex maniacs. (I write about this in A Woman's Guide to Changing Her Man). Blame is the thing that destroys marriages, not differences in libido.
