The Mirror of Sex
(Page 2)
Of course, Loren had to take responsibility for his part of both the sexual and the general relationship. During the session, he realized his need to communicate his feelings—in this case, especially when he felt pressured by Serena to be for her what she wasn’t being for herself. He was afraid of sharing his feelings of discomfort, especially during love-making—that this would hurt her. He now realized his not sharing was hurting her more. If Serena was abandoning herself by giving her power to Loren, he was abandoning himself by running away from his feelings. And just as with Serena, Loren’s “leaving” was more obvious to him as well during sex. Because of this magnification of the feelings during love-making, this can be the best area where they both can practice healthy communication-and bring depth and fulfillment to all parts of their relationship.
If your love-making is just what it says—a true mobilizing of loving energy, a nurturing spiritual as well as physical experience, then you can know that this is an accurate reflection of the rest of your relationship. If you desire with all your heart to give pleasure to your partner just as much as you are willing to receive pleasure, and not get totally absorbed in your own sexual arousal, the rest of your relationship will mirror this same honoring and respect. If you are gentle with each other during sex, you are very likely gentle with each other at other times. Making love sexually implies making love at other times.
Joyce and Barry Vissell are a nurse and psychiatrist whose main interest since 1972 has been counseling, healing and teaching. They are the authors of five deeply-moving books on relationship, family and healing: THE SHARED HEART: Relationship Initiations and Celebrations, MODELS OF LOVE: The Parent-Child Journey, RISK TO BE HEALED: The Heart of Personal and Relationship Growth, THE HEART'S WISDOM: A Practical Guide to Growing Through Love, MEANT TO BE: Miraculous True Stories to Inspire a Lifetime of Love.
As a result of the wide popularity and unique perspective of their books, Barry and Joyce have been sought after to present talks and workshops internationally. They have been keynote speakers and workshop leaders for many organizations, and are regular guests on radio and TV. They are contributors to the New York Times bestselling series, Chicken Soup for the Soul. They live with their three children, Rami, Mira, and John-Nuriel, four golden retrievers, five cats and one horse, at their home and center on a hilltop near Santa Cruz, California, where they counsel individuals and couples, and offer classes, workshops and training programs. They are committed to "walking their talk," so they spend as much quality time as they can cultivating their relationship with each other and with their children.
