Sexual Trauma: Healing the Sacred Wound
After Sounds True released my "Healing Trauma" audio program I have had a number of requests to put out another learning series specifically on healing sexual trauma. I found myself putting the project off during the past few years. I think that the main reason for this delay was because the subject of sexual trauma, delicate in its own right, has become so horribly polarized in our society. I was apprehensive to be a target of zealots and fanatics. My life is complicated enough.
My decision to go forward was based on the importance of addressing sexual trauma because it affects so many of us. By even conservative estimates, worldwide, one in four persons has been sexually assaulted in childhood (in the USA there are some 65 million in that category, potentially 1.5 billion in the world). If you are a woman the chances are even greater. When you go into a supermarket to shop, look around you and realize that as many as one in four people there have been sexually assaulted as children. Whether you live in a small town or a large city, as you walk down any street on any ordinary day, you can be sure you are not alone. Know that you are not alone!
All of these estimates, however large, are only part of the story. First of all, they are numbers and tell nothing about the human suffering. In addition, many people are raped as adults and it is possible to be sexually traumatized by events that are not "supposed" to be traumatic! For example, it is possible that gynecological procedures, when performed roughly and insensitively, can cause the vital organs and energy systems in our pelvis and abdominal organs to go into a kind of "shock" not unlike what happens in sexual assault-this includes even roughly administered thermometers and enemas in childhood. Though not politically correct, abortions can be, and frequently are, traumatizing, as are other invasive surgeries performed in sexual and internal organs.
In some ways we need to be concerned about the cause of our loss of vitality and capacity for erotic connection and pleasure. But the remedy to heal and to restore access to these precious creative energies is what needs to be foremost...not the cause!
The Physiology of Misery
What is the physiology of misery or the question of suffering; both necessary and unnecessary? There have been two prevailing theories, or approaches, up until now:
- Freud: We are miserable because of our traumatic histories and that we can "cure" our neurosis through talk (reliving and understanding). With this "cure," the most we can hope for is ordinary unhappiness (therapeutic goal).
- There is also a metaphysical viewpoint: When we are born we come in not as blank slates but as "spirits" with a "blue print," for life. To unfold this "code," to materialize this "seed" as a physical "flesh" reality, we are given certain challenges and ordeals. In many metaphysical systems it is said that we pick the situations in our lives and even our parents to actuate this unfolding. In other words, we unconsciously chose our parents and our life events in order to work through our "karma" and learn the lessons that will open our eyes to our soul's purpose. This process of embodiment is what gives our life direction and meaning. It may be a surprise to you but there are many more people on the planet that believe this view than the psychological one.
How do these ideas help us to understand the effects of sexual trauma? First, because these ideas are polarities we know that neither alone can be true. And if we are able to keep an open mind we shall see that they both hold certain truths while obscuring others. Possibly the most fundamental difference is that the first, the Freudian one, is primarily a passive model where we are seen as "damaged goods." On the other hand, the metaphysical view is an active one of agency and creative self-empowerment. (Of course it can also be one of denial.)
We will explore a third option that holds together some of these polarities and can open some portals toward freeing ourselves of unnecessary suffering. It is a body-based "felt sense" approach, which I call "Somatic Experiencing." Here's the basic idea: To frame the question as one of "necessary vs unnecessary suffering," and the nature of "authentic transformation."
- Whatever has happened has happened; of that there is no choice-whether we actually chose it or not!
- It is how we deal with what has happened to us that sets the direction, ignites the fire, and gives the meaning to our lives. It is not the event but how we process it that determines our destiny. By this I don't mean denying what has happened (i.e., thinking positive thoughts); nor do I mean making an altar of our suffering.
- By denying-through "positive" thinking we may split off even further from our true selves and from the feeling resource we need to heal-in its grand scenario this kind of thinking becomes delusional (sacrificing our true selves even further.)
The skill we need to cultivate to transform traumatic experience is the capacity to feel our bodily sensations as they are. That means feeling sensations through to completion, in the now, without undue judgment or interpretation. This means truly feeling the feelings as they are-not suppressing them or not exaggerating them. Usually we fuel sensations, inflaming them into emotions without really having any idea that this is what we are doing. What we want to avoid is our lifelong identification becoming an altar to our wounds, as precious to us as they may be. Instead, our wounds can be merely a starting point for healing, a way to begin to reclaim the temple of our bodies.
The Handling of Sexual Trauma
The handling of the topic of sexual trauma and abuse in our society is deeply disturbing. We are now seeing scientific research research showing the detrimental effect of childhood abuse and trauma. Not only do psychological symptoms develop; there is now clear evidence that there can be interference with brain development and the suppression of the immune system. As the child grows into adulthood, and all through adulthood, psychological and/or physical ailments inevitably develop. I would say that the only thing more appalling than the state of mental health and unnecessary suffering in our country is its treatment-or rather lack of it. Trauma and sexual abuse is one of our most important human and societal problems. It needs to be studied by free, unbiased scientific investigation rather than polarized by hysteria and politics. People are tragically hurt by sexual trauma and we need both scientific study and the compassionate application of this knowledge to the understanding, prevention, and healing of trauma.
1 of 2 Next page...
