Otherworldly ECSTASY
(Page 3)
 |
| Floating Lovers © Justine Tot Tatarsky |
It sounds like transcendent sex is what psychologist Abraham Maslow called a "peak experience," only in the bedroom.
Yes. Interestingly, Maslow was surprised when he talked to his early respondents to find out they had peak experiences in bed quite often, in fact probably more often than any other place. They weren't restricted to "religious" settings, nature or being in the presence of great art, which was what he had originally anticipated. Marghanita Laski's classic study Ecstasy showed that by far more people experienced transcendent events in the sack than anywhere else.
You write that many of your subjects' understanding of reality was "forever altered" by their experiences. That's a big claim.
In my study, atheists and agnostics whose world-views didn't include nonmaterial events or explanations became believers. People brought up in one faith changed their religion. Scientists who disbelieved in any supernatural phenomena changed their beliefs about the world. A physician who described himself as a pragmatic, hard-core materialist who dismissed spirituality as just so much wishful thinking and claptrap, said he only trusted what his senses or science could demonstrate was real. Then he had one of these experiences and said, "I knew there would be no scientific explanations. In some mysterious way, I was touched by God. I'm embarrassed, but mostly I consider myself the luckiest man alive."
An accomplished meditator and spiritual seeker said, "I spent three years in Africa studying, I read all these books, and I went to the East to get a conscious understanding of spirituality. But the impact of this sexual event was huge, the biggest. I know now there are these whole other realms that are barely explored by most of us."
Your research sample wasn't intended to be "representative" of the population as a whole. So what's your basis for your claim that perhaps one in every eight to 12 adults may have these experiences?
I was deliberately only recruiting people who had had the experiences I wanted to investigate; I didn't attempt to find the distribution or frequency of such experiences in a normal population. My speculation about how many people have had transformative sex is observational. When I recruited in speaking venues [which was most of the time], I usually had a head count of the audience, and I knew how many people volunteered. Usually more people than volunteer have had an experience, but I only counted volunteers. Only one in over 90 failed to meet the criteria, so those who volunteered were virtually all the people I was looking for.
But I also looked at other studies of spirituality and sexuality that published records containing the kind of material I was looking for, whether the researchers were looking for it or not. One large study showed a frequency of about one in eight people having a non-ordinary experience, so I'm prepared to say that reasonably probably one in every eight to 12 people will have such an experience at least once during life--and this still may be a conservative figure because up until now, nobody has been able to look at examples and say, "Oh, yes, I've had one of those."
You insist you're not an "advocate." You even write that, for many, transcendent sex "may wisely remain the road not taken." Why the caution?
First of all, just as contemplative practices that involve bodily austerities such as abstinence and asceticism are not favorable spiritual paths for some people, paths that employ the body--whether they involve dancing, the martial arts, sex or something else--are not for everyone.
But even more important is that these sexually evoked states can be more hazardous than others for a variety of reasons. An obvious danger is that people don't necessarily expect to be transported to a non-ordinary realm when they're making love, so most of the people I talked to were completely unprepared. They hadn't regarded lovemaking as a practice or a trigger for altered states, and some were destabilized by what happened to them, especially if it challenged their view of reality. At other times, the content of the experience can be quite disturbing: People saw demonic figures and other frightening imagery, left their bodies so suddenly they thought they were dying, or felt possessed.
But perhaps the most dangerous is that unlike many other altered states, these sexual ones involved another person, high emotion, and great physical and psychological vulnerability. We're all familiar with "crimes of passion" and the way they are considered in some way excusable in the "hot blood" of the moment owing to strong feelings of sexual love. We're also all too familiar with the way sex, power and spirituality has played out badly in the unequal relationships between spiritual leaders and members of their communities. The potential for an abuse of power when one partner is unusually open and susceptible because of a sexual engagement is great, especially during circumstances construed as spiritual. It is particularly wise to take precautions if you find yourself in a situation that may open to transcendent sex, especially if you are unsure of your partner. A number of these safeguards are presented in the book, along with the cautionary tales of what can happen to the unwary. Altered states should never be taken lightly, especially in a sexual relationship; people would do well to understand what may happen and how to take care of themselves.
I can hear people thinking, "Oh, great--another area where I fall short of the ideal.
The last thing I want to do is create another Olympics for sexual athletes or a new kind of sexual elitism. Transcendent sex is by no means the be-all and end-all of lovemaking. Having a transcendent experience in bed doesn't mean you are enlightened, or that your partner is "the one" or that the relationship is "true love." I think part of the glory of these experiences is that they are somewhat random: You never know when or where the lightning bolt of grace is going to strike. Spirit is just too broadcast for that.
Reprinted with permission from Pacific Sun Publishing Co, Inc.
Listen to an interview with Dr. Jenny Wade on "Inside Sex with Extatica."
 |
| About Jenny Wade, PhD. |
ABOUT THE ARTIST:
Justine Tot Tatarsky works in the medium of glazes on ceramic tile. Her work ranges from single tiles to large murals and can be hung or installed. Her website, www.artontile.com, shows the range of her imagery. For specifically erotic tiles, email Artontile@aol.com or phone 415-488-1007.
Justine says of her erotic art:
My paintings explore the emotions, ideas, and spiritual experiences sex encompasses, not just what it looks like from the outside. My imagery blurs distinctions between "reality" and "fantasy"; I can't distinguish these elements while in the throes of any sort of passion. I find sexiness in all of nature (beasts, trees, water, stones, blossoms...) in both genders, in love and conflict. In more or less subtle forms, eroticism seems to me an element of all relationships. Allowing myself to be honest about this diversity, in my artwork, has been my tool for healing. Like mos,t I carry the wounds of a culture which trivializes sexuality, pushes it as a quick fix for a limited part of the body, and promotes addiction and violence by encouraging shame. Through art, I explore and move beyond these wounds. My images celebrate my rediscovery of men as nurturers, of women as powerfully creative sexual beings--not just martyrs or manikins--and of the wholly sensual child within us all.
