WHAT IS LOVE?
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So I suspect that as our hominid forebears descended from the fast-disappearing trees of Africa some five million years ago and began to pair up to rear their helpless babies, courtship intensified. Then at some point in human evolution, probably some two million years ago, the primitive brain system for "animal attraction" evolved into human romantic love.
Love has its sorrows, of course. Being rejected is among the most painful experiences a human being can endure. As poet Emily Dickinson wrote, "Parting is all we need to know of hell." Our scanning team has not yet finished analyzing the brain scans of our rejected subjects. But I suspect many of the same brain regions will be involved. Alas, one doesn't stop loving when one is spurned. But rejected lovers most likely struggle with a host of other brain responses, too.
Romantic rejection has two general phases: "protest" and "resignation/despair." During the protest phase, deserted lovers obsessively try to win the beloved back. Incessantly they phone or e-mail or make dramatic entrances and exits. And as the adversity intensifies, so does their passion. This phenomenon is so common that I coined the term "frustration attraction."
Disappointed lovers can also hate. Known as "abandonment rage," this fury has a biological explanation. The rage network in the brain is closely linked to centers behind your brow that anticipate rewards. And when these centers begin to register that a reward will never come, they can trigger a brain region that generates rage. This common response to unfulfilled expectations is known as "frustration-aggression."
Eventually, however, the disappointed lover gives up; many also slip into despair. A forsaken Chinese woman confided to an Anthropologist, "I can't bear life. All my interests in life have disappeared." An Aztec Indian man left these words in the 16th century, "Now I know why my father would go out and cry in the rain." And in New Guinea rejected men compose tragic love songs about marriages that "might have been." Stalking, spouse abuse, homicide, suicide and clinical depression: many other worldwide social maladies stem from thwarted love.
Why do we suffer so? Because long ago romantic love evolved to motivate our forebears to win life's most important prize: a special mating partner. And rejected lovers have (temporarily, in most cases) failed at this crucial mating game.
How is romantic love changing in our modern world? How are working women affecting ancient patterns of sex, romance and family life? Some demographers theorize that middle age now extends to age 85; how are older people expressing their romantic passion and feelings of attachment? What do homosexuals say about romantic love? Why do young children fall madly in love long before they reach reproductive age? How do people living in polygynous societies handle the possessiveness of infatuation? Do men and women in arranged marriages fall in love? Why does romantic attraction trigger sexual desire? How is it that casual sex rarely remains casual? And how can we trick the brain into keeping romance alive in long-term partnerships?
Dr. Fisher hosted a BBC World Service radio series on these and many other aspects of this primal force--the human drive to love. It airs in the US in the fall 2004. Listen to her discuss these topics with Ellen Eatough on Ellen's World Talk Radio show.
Helen Fisher, PhD., is one of the most prominent anthropologists in America. A research professor at Rutgers University, she has conducted extensive research on the evolution and future of human sex, love and marriage and gender differences in the brain and behavior. Learn more about her fascinating and universally relevant findings, in her latest book, WHY WE LOVE: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. Provocative, enlightening, and persuasive, Why We Love offers radical new answers to the age-old question of what love is and thus provides invaluable new insights into keeping love alive. Buy it NOW
© Copyright 2004 by Helen Fisher. All Rights Reserved.
